I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
