Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
