He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
