I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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