I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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