At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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