I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
