yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
