I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
