I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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