she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize