I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
