Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
