dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
