idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
