sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
