just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
