woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize