I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
