Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
