there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
