I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
