I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
