if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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