I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
