If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
babies were throwing up all over the place
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
