I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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