i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
there is another microwave in the elevator.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
