I'd wear matching sweaters with you
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
