I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
