they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize