covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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