AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
