I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
