life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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