Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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