i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Dear god my vagina.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize