i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
