Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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