I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
