Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
