Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
3pm strippers are depressing
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
