There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
