Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
