spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
