The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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