fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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