if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
