We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
