she told me i tasted like america
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
