I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
