so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
