I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
id be glad to
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
In other news, I just burned my penis
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
