so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
And then my night got REAL pukey
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
