if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
