I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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