Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
