Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
