I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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