Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
