apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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