its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize