he puts the penis in happiness.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
It's shark week go big or go home
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
