I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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