I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
