I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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