How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
