Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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