Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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