ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
