Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Randomize
