He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
