You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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