So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
